How can I prevent myself from literally going insane….?

by Rachel on May 17, 2011

I’ve had the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) for a couple years. Over the years, cells from the virus have been turning pre-cancerous on my cervix. I already had surgery to remove cells a long time ago, but they’re back. I’m going crazy thinking cancer is developing, or I’m gonna end up with cancer in a few years. I dont want to live my life in and out of the doctors office anymore. I’m so depressed i can’t sleep, and if i do its for a few hours. i wake up at 7 or 8 every morning cause i cant get all my sleep. cant eat, and the only time i actually eat something is if my stomach is killing me from hunger. The only thing on my mind is the HPV. I dont care about my looks anymore, and I’m a very good looking girl. I just throw my hair back and put on any kind of clothes and i never used to do that I cared alot about my appearance, i just dont care anymore, about anything. How can I get myself out of this mood and make myself feel like my life is worth something again? i dont even want to go to school or get a job cause i have this and think im gonna die anyway.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

MichaelExe May 17, 2011 at 11:30 pm

When it comes to your looks, maybe you’ve realized that life is more important. That’s not a bad thing, although the anxiety and depression are.

But when it comes to HPV, there’s not much you can do but see the doctor every know and then. They’re the professionals, trust them in your treatment. So, you can’t control the virus, but it doesn’t mean you can’t control anything else in your life. Maybe a job or school are too much for you to handle at the moment, but you can still do the things that you enjoy and see the people that make you happy, and when you get over this bump in the road, you’ll be back on track and you’ll really see the things that are important in life.

Seeing a psychiatrist would help, though.

Jamal May 18, 2011 at 12:04 am

I am sorry to hear this devastating news, love. Do you have good health insurance? And are you taking your medications regularly? I’m sure that you’re a young and otherwise healthy woman so I don’t think that it’s the end for you. Can the doctors keep removing the cancerous cells or just freeze that area of your cervix and remove it for good? I can understand that the stress makes it hard for you to sleep, eat, go to school and work. Do you have any close friends and family members to support you during this time? I would hate to see you let everything go while worrying over this.

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